Anything But Me

Written by Katie Gavin, Josette Maskin, and Naomi McPherson (MUNA)

You’re sort of a lonesome romantic, an outsider in most situations. At work, school, your awkwardness usually kept you quiet and away from the group. But parties were different. On a rooftop in Midtown, you look around at the mix of strangers and acquaintances and identify a group of ladies to saddle up to. Drink in hand, you feel their eyes sizing you up. Without the pressure of their opinions, you feel totally free to start making ‘em laugh.

Almost immediately, you can tell who’s interested. Not the one you have your eye on, though. As an aside, you make a comment to the stranger next to you that the object of your fancy looks like Mackenzie Davis. Tall girl sees you looking and talking about her. She leans in. Hook. “You look like Mackenzie Davis!” “Oh, I don’t know who that is!” Damn, dropped the bait. You start explaining she’s in an episode of Black Mirror, and the new Terminator but by that point you know she’s a lost cause. If she doesn’t know “San Junipero,”¹ she’s not going to be into the fish.

A shorty with big, watery eyes looks up at you expectantly. She’s followed you to the corner of the roof, where you were hanging out with the smokers. You don’t smoke, but you like the vibes away from the music. Well, you might as well kiss her. She’s not really your type and seems too desperate, but who knows when you’ll get this opportunity again. It’s nice, but too wet and clumsy. She says she’ll be going soon, and you let her return to your friends. I bet they’ll all be teasing her about this out of your earshot.

On the cold and breezy walk home, you listen to music and smile. Your own company is really the best thing you have. The biggest pleasure isn’t physical, it’s mental. It’s figuring things out. Some people are just too easy to. The night didn’t mean much, but it was fun.

Being a young queer is like a really isolating experience. Not just in the sappy, nobody understands me way, but if you’re not like a really specific type of person, it doesn’t give you any clout at all. It’s not an automatic cool factor that gets you a lot of friends unless you’re a fun gay guy. You’re just different and unrelatable.

Being visibly queer is definitely a superpower among other queers though. ESPECIALLY ones that aren’t out of the closet. Under the right circumstances, you have an insight into them that they don’t have themselves. And they are somehow able to tell about you. The knowledge is powerful and sacred. Here, let me help you figure it out.

1. *This is a lesbian/bisexual episode of sci-fi show Black Mirror that ends happily. It’s one of the few pieces of media where the women who are in love don’t end up a tragedy. Therefore, mostly every young women who likes women has seen it.